


Humanoids of Beach City

by DimMemories



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Acting!, Adopting a Pizza grandma, Angst with an Implied Happy Ending, Babies, Beholding the power of the natural world, Books!, Building blocks of love, Eye Trauma, Feels, Gen, Living Arrangements, Love Conquers All, Love and Loss, Mild Language, Mind/Mood Altering Substances, Nature Walks, Not all of these end with a punchline, Outsider Art, Professional Wrestling - Freeform, Shorts, Slice of Life, The type of insight that only age can bring you, Weddings, a businessman's philosophy for living, adventures in the hot dog trade, being a jeweler in a world with magic space rock women, being an evil twin, car keys, dad-daughter moments, first-person interviews, future shock, how things have changed, it may not be art but it's artful, losing a loved one, managerial headaches, maximum townies, or the burden of being ahead of the curve, or vice versa, playing cards, ridiculous politics, security detail, the bright lights of Kansas, the dreaded abacus, the hazards of a throwaway line getting stuck in your head, thinking outside of the bits, those he left behind, when dad jokes go awry, why townies matter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 21:06:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 12,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11112879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DimMemories/pseuds/DimMemories
Summary: Interviews with dozens of people on the streets of Beach City.(First-person ficlets loosely inspired by Humans of New York. )





	1. Sadie and Lars, Big Donut employees

"My grandmother gave me a rose quartz charm necklace when I was a little kid...you know, with one of those heart-shaped pendant things, old-fashioned silver setting. It was gorgeous. For the longest time, it was the fanciest thing I owned, and I used to wear it every chance I got. But y’know how it is when you get older. You start noticing things around you that a kid doesn’t pick up on...especially living around here. So a few years ago, I put it in the jewelry box and just left it there. It just didn’t seem respectful anymore."

"Are you gonna tell 'em the rest of it?"

"No, I'm not, and _shut up_!"

"She wore it on the boardwalk one day and Steven--he had to be ten or eleven at the time--came bolting around the corner of the arcade. He looks right at the necklace and said ‘Look, Sadie! We’re twins!’ And then he hikes up his shirt and points to his belly gem. That sound he made when he touched it was hilarious."

"Ugh, so embarrassing. _There can be more than one reason, dude!_ "

"Hey, mouths of babes, right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In a perfect world, these "interviews" would have portraits instead of actual chapter titles, to match the Humans of NY concept, but sometimes you gotta work within your limitations. Anyway, more to come.


	2. Sour Cream, a deejay

"I've been clean pretty much all my life, but y'know, if you're in certain scenes long enough, you get curious about things. So one time I asked a guy--not a dealer, just a guy I knew--if he could get me a little something for the weekend, and later that day, he passed me a sugar cube wrapped in a scrap of tin foil. So I kick back on the beach, like I always do, pop it in my mouth, and wait for the chemistry to happen.

"I'm starting to wonder if anything's going down when I see this huge jelly worm coming across the beach. And I'm like, 'Yeah, here we go,' but then the thing turns on me, and it's getting right up in my face with its big freaky tentacle mouth. I'm holding onto a glow stick, so I just throw it and the jelly worm chases after it like a dog, if a dog didn't have any legs and was kinda translucent. So I can take a hint. I headed home to ride the trip out.

"The next day, I saw that the old pier had collapsed, and Jenny's all, 'Dude, you missed the big jelly worm! It did all that going after a glow bracelet!' And in my head, I'm like, 'I'm out,' because forget about altered states. If it can't beat reality, then what's the point?

"The guy called me on the phone that night, all apologies and everything. Turns out _his_ guy passed him a sugar cube dosed with _nothing_."


	3. William Dewey, a mayor

"Are you sure that recorder's off? Great. I can unclench for a little bit.

"Grey Hull could've been one of the strongest contenders against a Dewey if a few things had gone differently. He went up against my father in, I think, '84. A decent guy, but just a little bit on the green side. I mean, he had the right line of talk, but he’d only been here long enough to qualify for the race, so some of the boardies smelled a rat...pardon my undiplomatic tone. His problem was that he didn’t really have a feel for the unique nature of our municipality. The magic ladies kept their distance, because that’s how they were back then.

"Anyway, he was doing one of those walk-and-talk things on the beach with a few camera crews when he came up to the fence that used to be around the big cliffside statue, and that just set him off for some reason. 'What about this fence, Dewey? The last time I checked the records, this wasn’t a private beach!' And he started going on about freedom of movement and ease-of-access issues, but then he grabbed a fistful of the chain link and just started shaking it in time with what he was saying. ‘Come down from your tower! Tear down the fence!’ Great theater, but he only got a golf clap, because everybody knew the tower was the lighthouse and _they_ lived on the ground floor. Or something like that.

"But that was the moment one of those giant monsters got right up into his face from the other side and roared at him strong enough to blow his hair back. Six rows of teeth, wild mane of hair, big as a house. You know, the usual kind. And right in front of the press and all those photographers, Hull screamed like a little kid and just ran. The guy was at the highway before anybody caught up with him.

"His campaign kind of took a turn after that. I mean, Beach City made the national news that night, so there was no way it _wouldn't_ have. Pop still denies that he signed off on using the news video in his final ad--the one that ran six times an hour until election day--but y’know, it _felt_ like one of his. He was amazing at message control. He was amazing at a lot of things...

"Anyway, it was all Hull’s people could do to get him back to town long enough to concede. He's a senior councilman in Empire City now. Like I said, good guy.

"We show that video every year on pop’s birthday, by the way. He never gets tired of it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When questioned about the suspicious purple hue of Hull's monster, Amethyst replied, "I was out of the country at the time, and nobody can prove anything different."


	4. Penny, a librarian

"The Buddwick Library took me on while I was finishing my degree, and I just fell in love with the place. It's a little bit on the small side, but the rare book room is absolutely amazing.

"Obviously, the centerpiece is the Buddy Buddwick collection, but I swear his journal's got a curse on it. Even after we upgraded our cataloging system, it keeps getting mistaken for general circulation and nobody can figure out how it's happening. Maybe it's because there's a Vertigo Springs tie-in that looks almost exactly like it.

"Last summer, one little girl handed the journal back to me at the front desk, and the second I saw that cover--and especially the leather buckle attached to the cover--I could feel my stomach roll, because it's not even supposed to leave the reading room. So I asked her, as casually as I could, 'Where did you find this, hon?' And she said her friend found it in the 900s on the floor under a shelf. _On. The. Floor._ Holy cow. The staff meeting after that was a nightmare. Like 'two extra layers of bureaucratic nonsense' nightmare.

"And the week it actually got checked out? Oh my God. Carol almost got fired over that! After a back room freak-out that made the paper, it just landed one night in the after-hours book return. And a few days after that, a 'concerned citizen' offered an anonymous donation to the book fund if we let the whole thing slide. And it worked! Just a hand wave and off it went! It just blew my mind. I mean, do you know how much we have that thing insured for? Seriously, I'd kinda like to know. The accountant stopped telling me things after I asked him too many questions.

"But the cherry on top? This pale woman I'd never seen before who had the most _amazing_ facial piercing showed up with a sealed letter from the mayor and--I kid you not-- _a stack of bills_ from the Mr. Anonymous fund. And don't get me wrong, she was as polite as she could be, but she tried to hand it to me at the circulation desk, like nobody ever told her you couldn't just drop off multiples of  _grand_ at the door and cut out. So I was around the counter in a heartbeat, and I said to her, 'No, ma'am. The office. That _really_ needs to go to the office.' And the sweet look on her face never changed. 'Okay! The office, then!' 

"As I was walking her over, I heard her mumbling something like, 'Well, at least they didn't leave that silly book in Korea.' _Seriously?_ Because this story's already worth a steak dinner on its own, lady, and I think I can level up to a blooming onion if you tell me the Korea part! But the second the head librarian spotted us, she was shooing me away and hustling the mystery woman off the floor. I dunno, maybe they know each other.

"So yeah, a little intrigue, but it's still a cozy place to be. And it's the type of place that has five copies of every Xanxor book, so there's always something to do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Headcanon of the moment: Connie was on super-secret library probation after the Out Of This World bomb, but nobody got around to telling her.
> 
> The name I chose for my favorite non-speaking background character (unless you count 'Shh!' as a line) is from my high school librarian, in memory of her ultimately futile struggle to stop the juvies from stealing Stephen King off her shelves.


	5. Andy DeMayo, a barnstormer

"Steve-o was showing me some of his pictures, and we come across this cavern-looking thing with a bunch of bubbles on the ceiling. I say, 'Hey, now that's a party right there!' Steven laughed and said, 'Dad said that, too.' But then he starts talking all this stuff about gem wars and it hits me like a freight train what he's telling me. So I tell him about Arlington Cemetery, and he screws up his face and says, 'Yeah, it's _kind of_ like that, but with Gems, it's a little bit more complicated.' I had to see it in person, y'know?

"We did a little jawboning with the one with the shades and boom, we were in. And it was huge compared to the picture. Hotter, too. But dude, that ceiling was _packed_.

"Sometimes you gotta say what you gotta say, so I ask her if every one of these really was a soldier. She smiles and names a few, and says that some of 'em came from the other side. But that question kinda got to her. 'We were all created with a purpose, although one of the issues of the Rebellion was the freedom to find our own way. Not all of these Gems were made to be fighters. But to the Diamonds, it was total war, and they made _everyone_ a soldier by the end.'

"So before we left, I saluted. I mean, what would _you_ do at a war memorial?"


	6. Suitcase Sam, a local merchant

"Yes, the eye patch. They all seem disappointed when they find out there's still an eye under it. Not that it works that well anymore.

"A few years after Smiley bought out Funland, one of the pellet guns in a target game had a.. _ahem_...'manufacturer's defect'. Yes, Harold, the spring in the mechanism came up to say hello because of a design problem that took 30 years to come out, and only ten years after the company went out of business, too. It all checks out, I'm sure.

"Anyway, the spring caught my eye in a bad place and the hospital botched things just a little bit more. It was kind of a mess on multiple levels. And yes, I did call a lawyer, but it's not like I was trying to ruin Smiley. My interest was getting the general liability insurance to cover my deductible. But when he has too many of those still-awake-at-3 A.M. moments, he works himself into the most ridiculous states, and one day he badgered me to the point where I just snapped. 'Dear God, Harold, would it make you feel better if I really _did_ sue you?'

"And he just went silent. Then he started hyperventilating. Wonderful.

"We finally came to an agreement, but he also convinced himself that part of the settlement was free season passes for life. Last summer I just handed them over to that Onion kid. I caught an earful for it, but when you can't get through to somebody any other way, you have to be creative."


	7. Vidalia, an artist

"I took up art in high school...mostly album covers at first. My teacher almost bounced me out of the class for that, because she thought copying messed with your understanding of form and construction, but one day she pulled me aside and explained what her big issue was. 'Vi, I want to see _you_ in your sketchbooks. Not necessarily _you_ you, but the thing that worries me when I see students making copies is that they're not just copying an artist's style, but their hang-ups, their obsessions, their dreams. And honestly, distracting yourself from what's in your own head is what being a consumer's for. Art shouldn't be somewhere that you hide from yourself. I want your work to be a place where you can be honest.' And then she added, 'Just not honest enough to get the principal down here.'

"So this is the part of the story where the light flips on in my head and I'm supposed to change my life forever, but I fought it because hey, I'm a teenager, right? I mean, my marks stayed where they needed to be because my technique was rock solid, so it's obvious that woman doesn't know _everything_. So I kept flipping through my album collection and she just rolled her eyes. But just before winter vacation, I went through an ugly breakup...one in a collection, but I didn't know that yet. That asshole told everyone I was easy because I wouldn't be easy for _him_ , and because I went to a school that was over quota on meatheads, enough of them bought into it to make my life miserable.

"So one night over the break I sat in front of the mirror and started drawing. The face was just eyes, nose, mouth and hair at first, but then I started laying down lines and shade and lines and shade. These detailed, fierce eyes with deep shadows that you were afraid to look at. Hair that looked like it needed one more bad thought to burst into flames. I actually snapped a pencil at one point.

"When I finally stopped, I was looking at something more raw than anything I'd done before, and it was all that I could do to stop myself from ripping it to shreds and burning it in the backyard. But instead, I flopped down on the bed and stared at the ceiling with my big, dumb, red eyes until I couldn't keep them open anymore.

"It was still in the sketchbook when I handed it in after New Year's. She gave it an A...and then she asked me if I wanted to talk about it. And y'know? By then, I really did.

"I ran into her again a few years ago with the whole crew. She looked them over and said, "Well, it looks like _you_ turned out all right.' And I came back with, 'Don't say that too loud! They might figure out I'm making up this stuff as I go.' Then we both laughed."


	8. Ronaldo Fryman, half of an OTP

"I met my ohime-sama through a mutual friend. There was a series from the 60s that I was trying to track down and it wasn't anywhere on Rainbowroll, so I decided to tap into the shadowy and arcane underworld of video traders. But because they didn't have their room at the library until the next month, I had to make some calls.

"This friend of ours said, 'Yeah, I know a girl who might have those. Actually, you and Jane have a lot of mutual interests. You never know _what_ you'll find. Wink!'

"And that just lit a fire in me, because _who the hell just says 'wink' in a conversation_? To be fair to Rob, I was really starting to get into the aesthetics of language at the time, and yes, a fresh convert can be a little bit unbearable at first, but communication is _important_! It's probably the most important thing next to breathing!

"Well, anyway, I didn't catch the rest of what he said, because I was busy hanging up dramatically. It was a half an hour before I realized he never gave me her number. Top ten telephone fails, am I right?

"So that's how I met Jane. I guess I'm lucky she finds stories like this cute. And that she gets the concept of an 'ironic fedora'."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might be coming back to Ronaldo later...unless my demands are met. Keep watching this space. When the orders come through, use unmarked bills.


	9. Lapis Lazuli, a refugee

"The first few days off-planet were the best. To be surrounded by uncountable stars, galaxies, gas clouds...so many places I knew from before the Rebellion, and they were reachable now. You could find your way to anywhere if you knew your charts and had enough time. And I toyed with the idea that maybe _this_ could be home, spread out on all sides, over my head, under my feet,  To be tied to an inanimate object one day, and the next being in a place where even basic concepts like 'up' and 'down' were relative to _you_?  It was amazing. I would've cried if it the cold had let me.

"It was a few weeks after I left Earth that I was picked up by a Roaming Eye patrol. They asked me how long I'd been away, because getting lost in space happens a lot with us. When I said the answer was 5,000 years, the pilot gave this low whistle, like being stranded that long was something to be admired. Then she winked and said, 'Oh, you're going to love this. Let's just say I know a shortcut.' And she turned on something they called hyperdrive. All those individual specks of light outside the window smeared into indistinct lines. At top speed, every one of them looked like every other.

"And that was when I started wondering if I'd made a terrible mistake."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know one of the original tags says "maximum townies", but hopefully that word "humanoids" was a tip-off that we'd be getting to Gemkind eventually. Hopefully this won't be too disruptive, but I'd be happy to hear your feedback on the subject.


	10. Oscar M, a hot dog vendor

"Put yourself in my shoes. You're fresh out of college, you and a couple of buddies just spent a summer driving up and down the the eastern seaboard discovering the magic of hot dog eating contests, and you look at them and say, 'I want in.'

"But you're also still a smart-ass kid fresh out of college, so when it comes time to choose a name to put on the building, you go with Wiener In Hand. Then you place bets on how long it's going to take before someone complains.

"Twenty years, it turns out. I guess the townies were either too polite or too hungry to gripe.

"Then one day Mayor Dewey's kid gets a low-key giggling fit, because the joke finally landed for him. When his dad asks him what's so funny, he unpacks the gag, and suddenly me and Mayor Bill are having a twitchy heart-to-heart about the projected image of Funland and the boardwalk in general. Then he ropes in Smiley and _oh my God_ , I never want to have that conversation again.

"So now we're officially Funland Hot Dogs. We're not getting rid of the old t-shirts anytime soon, though. They're massive sellers during the tourist season."


	11. Greg Universe, a widower

"It's pretty simple. If the love of your life is a being made out of light, the light has to go somewhere when she...goes away. I didn't even see what it had done to me until Steven was five days old.

"My dermatologist keeps screening me for skin cancer. He calls this sun damage. One time Barb even tried to call it a badge of honor. But nah, it just means I was there for her at the end. Doesn't have to be more poetic than that.

"Excuse me for a second. It kinda hurts to go back to that day.

"When the summer crowd starts filtering in, this look gets a few gawkers--timeshare kids, mostly--but they don’t know, so I can't let myself worry about them. Sometimes one of them actually asks, and it's always an interesting experience when I tell a new person a Rose story, just to see which ones stay with you all the way. 

"One of the things I taught Steven from early on is that everybody has personal stories worth hearing, so if they trust you enough to tell you one, listen closely. For some people, it's a lesson that they don't learn in a lifetime, but I think it's worked out pretty well for him.

"We never get around to _that_ story, but that might not be the worst thing. Deep down, maybe I want to save a little bit of her for myself. I mean, is that a selfish feeling? Probably. But one of my biggest fears is that one night I'm gonna close my eyes and not be able to see her anymore. So I hang on to what's left."


	12. Katrine Miroslaw, a jeweler

"This is a third-generation family business, and responsible sourcing of gemstones is a task we take very seriously, especially in this part of the country.

"After decades of consultation, the people who ran the trade discovered during the early part of the last century that potentially sentient stones have a unique low-level electrical charge. Keeping that in mind, any antique piece brought here to sell without the proper certification--and that's at least 70% of them--is run through a device I call The Thing. If the system flags a stone as dangerous, I refer them to the Department of Gemology buyout program. I have my suspicions where they go from there, but I wouldn't risk my standing by saying it out loud.

"My sources tell me that there's a very real risk of weaponization if a so-called 'bad actor' ended up with a conscious gem. They keep the details of what that means to themselves, but there's a story Dad told during my training that someone once slipped a harmless-looking ring on the Duke of Edinburgh's finger and he ended up involuntarily slapping his Prime Minister silly at some royal function. No injuries, but the tabloid headlines must've been painful.

"There's never been a restriction on heirloom diamonds for some reason. I'll have to ask my suppliers about that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You ever get a wild hair about a deeply out-of-the-way theory that you just couldn't let go until you brought it up for air? Let's just say that's what happened here. 
> 
> This townie OC was inspired by a sharp-eyed Tumblr screenshot: http://aobubblegum.tumblr.com/post/116508455776


	13. Jenny Pizza, an evil twin

"When we were in junior high, there was this 80s show on the Lifeline network called _Scion_. And if you say it, you gotta say it like you just had the wind knocked out of you. _SCION!_  'Cos that's how they said it on the show. And you gotta do the thing with your hands, 'cos that's how we did it. It was a story about twin sisters, Michele and Alexandra Cardigan, and they were heiresses to an international business concern...so already we're in, since that's us times two.

"Kiki was all Team Michele, and you know, I can kinda see it. Michele knew how to get things done, she always had your back, even when it didn't make sense, and she was married to a stone cold hottie that only cheated on her like once a year. For that show? That was solid. That was 'buy the anniversary presents and send the divorce lawyers home' solid.

"I was an Alexandrite, and here's how that goes: She had insane style, she loved life, and if you crossed her? That woman would _break you_. She made a meal out of her haters, and the writers gave her these big, meaty speeches to chew on. But she had a message. You're the only one who's allowed to be you, so you're the only one who gets to figure out what that means. And when you do? _You go for it_. Of course, this was a nighttime soap, so 'it' was usually 'being half undressed'. 

"Daddy haaaaaaaaated that show, but he didn't know how to program the recorder, so we snuck it past him most of the time. I guess Gunga had seen it before, because she always knew when to cover our eyes.

"The woman who played Alexandra was at a fan convention last year, and I got her to sign one of her TV Week covers, but you could tell she wasn't into it. It's like Sour Cream always says. 'Never meet your heroes...unless they're Weird Al Yankovic.'"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When asked why the kid in the corner booth giggled when she said she was an Alexandrite, Jenny answered, "Lay off of Steven. He's got his own things going on."


	14. Handsome Hank Hackleschmidt, a professional wrestler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Content warning: This entry goes into the terrible secrets of professional wrestling.** Unspoiled marks are advised to skip this chapter.

"Here's the deal, sports fans. Tiger Millionaire is a stiff worker.

"That word 'stiff' throws people off the first time they hear it. It's not about flow or anything. I'm talking about guys that make the moves look like they hurt by _actually bringing the hurt to the moves_. Not enough to flatten you, because nobody wants to carry dead weight to a finish, but when you're gasping like a fish in a boat as the ref makes the three count, you're doing it for real.

"I had a cup of coffee with the McMahons a few years ago, just some house shows and dark matches for World Wide Wrestling, but one of them was with Brock Frickin' Lesnar. When you're jobbing—and I absolutely was, 'cos there was only one guy in that ring who was under contract—you're there to make the star look good, so even if it wasn't a world-famous brick wall with a buzz cut, I would've ended up flat on my back anyway. But have you ever heard of 'suplex city'? I was one of the first guys he tried that out on, and I was sore for a week after that match. And I got off light.

"But who gave me a cracked rib? It was a kid in a blown-out warehouse.

"Once Tiger actually started working in the ring, his matches were strictly by the seat of your pants. Some guys like to plan their sequences out in advance, but not Tiger. He just showed up at bell time and did his thing. That night we were calling spots left and right, and at one point I said, 'Haymaker when the ref turns around.' He twitched a little bit, so I said, 'Just go for it.' Not the brightest call I ever made, 'cos if ol' Hank's doubled over on the mat? You're wrapping it up early, son.

"When I get back from the doctor, I break the news to him that I'm gonna be out for awhile, and jeez, I thought he was gonna cry for a second. Then he said, 'Don't worry, I got this,' and he licked his palm and tried the laying on of the hands. So I had to tell him, 'Dude, it's cool.' Not to turn up a nose at anyone's faith, 'cos I grew up with a few guys like that, but c'mon, that's why I got insurance.

"How old did you say he was again?

"Holy crap, no wonder they don't want us to unionize."


	15. Mr. Fryman, a fry man

"Sure, the blog gives Ronnie something to do, but chasing shadows will only get you so far in life. I've seen some of those Bigfoot guys in action on cable, scaring themselves in the dark. But stuff like that runs in cycles, and you'll always need business managers. An engineering degree? Heck, that's money in the bank.

"It's the same reason I don't have a lot of truck with magic. For figuring out the world, I gotta go with science every time. Look at it this way. If you have a restaurant-grade deep fryer that works, it gets your oil the right temperature, you slice your potatoes the right way, and you know the proprietary seasonings? C'mon, it’s gonna work as easy as you please, it's gonna work the same way _every_ time, and (and this is important) it's a learnable skill. You don’t have to know a secret handshake or call down the spirits to make it happen. 

"And no offense meant to the Gems, talking down magic like that. I guess they're born into it, and if they used it to help our ancestors discover fire, great. We'd owe 'em a lot for that. I'll comp 'em on the bits until the cows come home. But they gotta bring references."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up with a vest-pocket adventure for the Fryman dad wasn't in the cards, but his life philosophy writes itself.


	16. Amethyst, an Earthling

"If Greg wants to build a house for his kid and not live in it? Dude's got his reasons. Humans have done stranger things, like figuring out how to drink the stuff that comes out of a cow. I wasn't around for that one, but they tell me it was a fun day.

"And it's not like we didn't offer. 'This stretch of the beach is all us, dude. You want something over your head that's not on wheels? We're down with it.' That was my pitch. But we all had a weird relationship for a few years after Steven was born, and the dude's always had an attachment to that van, so he begged off.

"Finally Peal said, 'It's understandable if you're not comfortable living by the Temple, but you really should have something for yourself, shouldn't you?' Greg cracked a smile at that one, because at that point getting a hand from Pearl was like the sun peeking through the clouds. So he answered, 'I'll sleep on it. Maybe Steven could live in the beach house and I could live in the outhouse?'

"Now y'see, that's what humans call a 'dad joke', but none of us Gems ever had a dad, so to really get it we'd have to buy a clue at the clue store. But that's not how it shook out. When Greg was done for the day, Pearl asked me, 'Do you know what an outhouse is?' And yeah, sure do, and I coulda stopped her right there, but I was kinda in a mood, so instead we went digging for pictures and I kicked back to see where this was going.

"The next morning, Pearl had an unveiling ceremony ready for Greg. When she pulled the curtain back, he bit a red mark on his hand trying not to lose it, because what she'd done was spend the night making one of those doors with a crescent moon cut in it. Even he must've caught how confused she was, because he pulled her off to one side and explained what an outhouse was used for...and especially the symbolism of the Sears catalog that she'd hung on it. I never saw her turn as many shades of blue in five seconds as she did right there.

"I caught it something fierce for letting her do that, but in the end, she'd rather learn these things from experience than just be told."


	17. Jamie, a master thespian

"My first professional gig was an instructional video, 'Appropriate Interactions In The Office,' directed by the legendary Randall Hodge. He's a director who's had over thirty years of experience in industrial multimedia work, so it was a distinct honor to be on his set.

"I was Background Worker #5, one of the small, perfect parts that was positioned to lend authenticity to our main players. The instruction I was given was 'On action, cross over to the copier, pull your phone out of your pocket, and check your messages.' So I mulled over the bare bones they had given me and asked myself, 'How do I make these instructions my own?'

"In the end, you go with what you know. So I went full-on drama zone.

"The first take, the message was that my dog was in the hospital. Lots of tears. The second take, I gave them 'She said yes.' The third was 'foreclosing the mortgage', which, now that I think about it, was really just a variation on dog hospital.

"The fourth one ended up being a collaboration. I called it 'Two crew members pulling me out of the shot'.

"And then Mr. Hodge pulled me aside and gave me a piece of advice that will probably stay with me forever. 'Kid, sometimes ya gotta recognize when a scene's not about you.'

"It was the perfect note. The look in his eyes said that he saw something in me, and his skilled mind was trying to push me to greater glory. This was a man who knew how to motivate for greatness.

"At least that's what I thought he was going for. Then they threw me out.

"The caterers let me swipe a few bagels on the way out, so at least I didn't leave empty-handed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience. I would've been back sooner, except life snuck up on me...several times.


	18. Chuck and Ed, personal security detail

"The mayor doesn't really have a lot of enemies, at least not the kind you'd call violent, so Chuck and I just hang around at public events and try to look like we're not a waste of taxpayers' money. It's all about projecting your body language, and anyway, it makes cousin Bill feel better. He even bought us the suits, which he didn't really have to do."

"Yeah, appearance is 90% of it. This hip holster usually has my phone in it, but people think it's a taser or something. Really, most of the time it's just feeding oldies music to my earpiece."

"It's not all posturing, though. I took a fish for Bill once. That old lady from the pizza place has a mean back swing. The aroma kind of lingered. We had to bury that dress shirt."

"Dude, you ran away from a kid with a t-shirt cannon. You _owed_ Dewey a fish."

"Hey, we both did, but at least _you_ didn't lose a sandwich that day."

"Oh Jesus, are we gonna talk about the sandwich again?"

"I know how you feel about deviled ham, but don't belittle my comfort food, buddy."

"It's pig jelly, dude, and as soon as you figure that out we can move you on to big boy food."

"I don't think I wanna talk about this anymore..."


	19. Yellowtail, a fisherman

"Vidalia's an amazing woman. She was maybe the second girl I ever dated who figured out my accent on the first try.

"Our wedding reception was kind of different. We did the thing you do where the couple feeds each other the cake, but Vi had this glint in her eye which I didn't pick up on right away. She overshot my mouth, smeared the piece across my cheek, and dropped it down the back of my jacket.

"Vi said, 'Aw heck, it's my stigmatism. Maybe if I got a running start...' And before I could ask her since when did she even _have_ an stigmatism, she stood up and reared back for another go...except on the second try she tripped on a chair and fell over my mother. Pow. Buttercream right between the eyes.

"Ma wiped herself off and grabbed a fistful of cake to return fire on her new daughter-in-law. She always had a mean pitching arm, but Vi ducked and the glob of icing landed on my second cousin instead. Lucy lined up a shot at..I dunno, _someone_ , but she tagged Greg Universe instead. And that's how the battle of the century started.

"Seeing as how our wedding had turned into a Three Stooges movie, it took awhile for me to notice that everybody within throwing distance of the big table was holding up plastic sheets like they do for the guy who smashes fruit for a living.  But when I did, that's when it dawned on me that I was the only one in No Man's Land who wasn't in on the game. That was enough for me to flop over laughing, and that was everybody else's cue to burst into applause.

"Vi told me she set the whole thing up during the rehearsal dinner. While everybody was getting cleaned up, I told her that I didn't know she was a performance artist too. She said, 'Yeah, baby, I'm a triple threat.' When I asked her what the third threat was, she wiggled her eyebrows and said, 'You'll find out later.' And son of a gun, I did."


	20. Doug Maheswaran, a security guard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested soundtrack for this chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jbj8lLspac

"There was an incident at the Crab Shack when we met Steven's 'parents' for the first time. He introduced a woman as tall as the whole building as his mother, and things just went south from there. We would've called it an early night, but we were all curious where it was going.

"I was talking to Connie before bed that night, and we were going over what she and Steven had done wrong and why that meant her mom went for the abacus as soon as we got home. And she understood the consequences of her actions, but she was still so agitated about...well, _everything_ , and I couldn't leave her wound up like that.

"So I asked her a very simple question. One with very simple implications. 'You didn't know the Gems could turn into Jet Jaguar?'

"She chucked a pillow at me, because she knew what I was up to. 'C'mon dad, Alexandrite's face was _all wrong_ for Jet Jaguar. Too many mouths and too much hair.'

"But that wasn't going to stop me. 'Nobody said Jet Jaguar couldn't get a wig or a weave. Do they have a theme song when they're off fighting giant monsters?' And she said that Steven wrote one when he was a little kid, something about kicking butt and eating pizza, which tells me the type of cartoons that Greg raised him on.

"So I suggested maybe we should teach them _our_ song, and before she could stop me, I was singing it as best as I could.

 _"Hito ga tsukutta robotto da kedo_  
_Jetto Jagaa, Jetto Jagaa,_  
_Yatta, Jetto Jagaa!_

"I learned that one phonetically when I was in a kaiju fan club in college, which means I always get half of it wrong. Connie watched those movies with me dozens times over the years, usually whenever they were on TV, but she went the extra mile and figured out the translation of the song. If she sets her mind to doing something, she wants to do it the right way. Usually I get lost halfway through a line and hum along while she takes the lead. Sometimes I even hit the right key.

"When we got to ' _Gojira to Jagaa de panchi, panchi,_ paaaaaaanchi!' with the big Jerry Lewis shout and our custom punching choreography, there was a very loud snort over my shoulder and Connie's eyes went a little wide. I turned around and Priyanka's leaning against the doorway, shaking her head and snickering into her sleeve.

"Well, now we had an audience, so there's no way we weren't going for the big finish. I slid down next to Connie and we locked arms and started swaying back and forth. ' _Nakuna, bokura mo ganbarou!_ Ta-daaaaaaaaaaaaaa!'

"And in spite of everything that had happened earlier that night, Pri was just dying. 'You two are impossible! I'm going to bed.'

"Priyanka is so capable and together, and that's part of what made me want to be with her in the first place. There's more and more of that in Connie every year, and we can't wait to see what she does next. Sometimes when I get a little bit wrung out by the world, I almost feel like a pretender next to them, but nights like that remind me this is where I'm supposed to be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Priyanka explains herself: "One of my first dates with Doug was Godzilla vs. Megalon. It's...a sentimental favorite. And it was completely his idea."


	21. Marty, an event promoter

"When I was younger, I let a lot of good things slip through my fingers...family, friends, relationships. Because when you're a party guy and a world-beater, sometimes you see attachments, especially the ones that anchor you down, as liabilities, even if they mean a lot you in certain moments.

"Then one day you wake up staring down the barrel of 40, and you start wondering about those things you tossed away. Wondering if it's too late to change. After shaking off all that stuff for most of my adult life, it took me a long time get back to that place...you know, emotionally. To find something real. Something worth believing in.

"What I'm talking about, of course, is the great taste of Guacola, the world's first guacamole soda. Each can comes with the power of three whole avocados!

"Oh, you've tried it?

"Yikes, really? And how long was it until they let you out of the hospital?

"Well, knowing your food allergies is important. At least you found out something new about yourself."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is definitely a "buying me some time" update. Thanks in advance for not making a big scene about it.


	22. Peridot, a technician

" _(Sigh.)_ Very well, once again...

"My designation is Peridot 2F5L-5XG. I am here on a troubleshooting assignment on behalf of the court of Yellow Diamond. And that is the only information I am authorized to surrender to non-approved personnel.

"Will that be all? Thank you. And please advise your superiors that your interrogation methods leave much to be desired. Quality assurance is important in all fields."

* * *

_(A year later...)_

"My latest course of study is squirrels. They're medium sized rodents of the Sciuridae family, and oh my stars, they're clever.

"It was Lapis's idea. We first observed about a month ago that they were breaching a meep morp designed to feed the avian population of the surrounding countryside. Obviously squirrels need sustenance, but they're incredibly greedy. The goal was to make a defended 'feeder' that a bird could navigate easily with its flight capabilities, but would thwart the best efforts of a squirrel. A non-lethal deterrent was required, of course, because...well, you know, _Steven_.

"It's been an adventure. At the present time, the test subject, a local resident designated 'Little Gray', has breached a greased high wire, three rotating platforms, six deceptively-routed habitrail pipes, and two trap doors, each wired to an electric eye. His process is fascinating. Little Gray always falls victim on the first attempt at a new obstacle, but after multiple tries, he always manages to retrieve the consumable payload. For an alleged 'lower' life form, his successful efforts are a revelation.

"In light of this data, a new course of action is required, and that's why Lapis and I are going to attempt first contact with the goal of recruiting a squirrel army. She's located a large collection of drays in the countryside north of Empire City, and we're spending the weekend together on a scouting mission to try and crack their language. Among other things."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically a victory lap for finally finishing [The 5XG Incident](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11391117/chapters/25509477) last night. There was another candidate for this entry that ended up getting folded into chapter 3, if you're curious.


	23. Barbara Miller, a mail carrier

"The card games are never about cards. That's a good thing, because if someone new comes in for the night, _I'm_ the one who gets to explain the rules to them five or six times, so y'know, patience is a virtue.

"It kinda developed into a group for single parent solidarity...at least until Vi married the fisherman. For the price of a covered dish or a pack of napkins, you got a sounding board for your gripes and some backup singers for your victories. And sometimes we actually played the game.

"Anyway, we went back and forth on hosting for awhile, but things started landing at my place more often when Sadie offered to chip in day-old doughnuts from work. But when it's time to play, she always makes herself scarce, ever since the one time she sat in and Vi started asking questions about that Lars kid that made Sadie's face turn all the colors of the rainbow. Now she just puts on a movie and turns the volume up.

"But yeah, you probably want to know about the third regular. One night about 14 years ago, Greg Universe showed up looking like a zombie running on two hours sleep, and he said, 'You got room for two more in the game?' Nobody in town had seen him around for maybe a month, and suddenly there he was with a baby in his arms, and that kid couldn't have been more than three weeks old.

"We didn't even open the deck that night."


	24. Jane, a movie theater employee

"Like a lot of things around here, the movie theater's a pretty mellow place to work when the summer rush is over...at least when the marquee isn't getting blown up by a laser-powered Mister Bucket.

"The grandma from Fish Stew Pizza shows up on the opening week of a lot of the new movies, especially when it's something saucy, like the one with the lady and the pirate. When it's a dead-zone matinee, she hangs out at the ticket window and asks me stuff like how my folks are and how I'm doing in school. On the nights when there's a line...well, she still asks me stuff like how I'm doing in school, but if anybody complains, she makes faces.

"One night when I was covering the snack bar, I told Grandma Pizza that my folks and I were starting to look at colleges, and you'd think I was part of her family from how excited she was. 'You're going to do so well, Jane! But I'm really going to miss seeing you around here.' And then she patted my hand and said, 'Don't forget us poor beach folks when you make your first million.' Out of all the planning and talking about the future that's been going on lately, I didn't think that'd be the thing that made me all misty eyed, but I'm really gonna miss her too.

"Of course, right after that the guy from the doughnut shop had to wreck the moment by batting his eyes at me and asking me how I was doing in school. No, Lars, you _don't_ get comped for popcorn by eavesdropping on other people's conversations."


	25. Peedee Fryman, a food service worker

"Ever since we got rid of Frybo, dad's been letting me step up a little in the kitchen. Last summer, for instance, I got the idea for cheese and crab loaded fries. Somebody was doing it on TubeTube, so I figured why not go for it?

"Our version was kinda popular, but dad wasn't so sure about it. Something about cost and prep time during peak business. I'm gonna keep hammering at it, though. There's gotta be a way to streamline the process, and once I nail it? There's a little piece of me on the menu board.

"What? Oh, that's Steven and his lion. They run up and down the boardwalk a few times a day. Sometimes there's some big monster fight going on, but usually he's trying to catch the ice cream truck or whatever. If he's not running _away_ from something, like something big with claws, I just try to ignore them. It's not like Lion steps on anybody. Except for that one time, anyway.

"Aw heck, it looks like they found something. We'll give 'em a few minutes before we put down the shutters.

"(...)

" _(Sigh...)_

"Did you ever feel like an extra in your own life?"


	26. Garnet, a power couple

"During a visit to Earth, Sapphire had received a vision. A construction site on the Earth colony was about to collapse due to sabotage. With a quick evacuation, they would lose a maximum of three Bismuths. Without intervention, the number of Gems lost would be 32. It would've been a small number under any other circumstance, but because of the nature of the construction project, she was ordered to present her findings to the project supervisors in person.

"They worked with remarkable speed to clear the area. In the end, only two Gems were dissipated. None were shattered, which was a potential outcome.

"Once she had returned to the court to present her report, Sapphire walked the hallway back to her quarters. When she thought she was alone, she hugged herself in amazement. Sapphire still believed at the time that when a Gem fulfilled her duty, she fulfilled her existence, but to see in person how her gift made a difference for others was a profound experience. At the corner before she reached her chambers, she spun herself in elation.

"That's when she caught sight of the Ruby guard stationed at her door. Ruby wasn't someone Sapphire had set herself to look for, so when she spotted the wide-eyed guard observing her reverie, she stopped with a startled hop. And that's when she hit the wall.

"Ruby was a genuine surprise, which was always a novelty to a seer, but one which made Sapphire self-conscious in a way that she wasn't familiar with. Ruby had prepared for a number of situations in the line of service, but this wasn't one of them. Nevertheless, she knew that she needed to put Sapphire at ease.

"And so Ruby did the only thing she could think of. She shakily extended her fist with the thumb raised. It was a sign her squad had adopted as an all-clear signal. Sapphire responded with the most beautiful laugh she had ever heard.

"'I trust this stays between us,' Sapphire said with a quiet smile.

"Ruby replied, 'Honestly, Your Clarity? I dunno _what_ I saw. This appearance modifier keeps falling over my eyes.' Then she opened the door and Sapphire passed through.

"It was a tentative step, but everything that followed came from those small, shared moments. But what do I know? I wasn't even there at the time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A conversation after the recorder was (supposed to be) shut off:
> 
> "I'm sorry, it's a really nice story, but Ruby? Sapphire? I don't know who either of those people are. Do you have one about yourself?"
> 
> _(chuckle)_ "That's okay. Your editor won't use any of mine anyway."
> 
> \---  
>  _The real author's note: This is version v2.0 of the Garnet story. After letting it go for the better part of a day, I was still deeply uncomfortable with the tone of the introduction I'd originally written, so the entire paragraph went in the recycle bin. I would've done it sooner, but the dog had other ideas of what to do with my time. We had a conversation, and the dog agrees with me that my working methods need to improve._
> 
>  
> 
> _Also, by inventing an pre-Answer encounter that attempts to reconcile Garnet's assertion to Jamie that love at first sight doesn't exist with an origin story that seems to prove that it does, I may have blown any pretense of canon compliance. But we're all stuck with my questionable choices now._


	27. Buck Dewey, a tastemaker

"There's this garage band out of Charm City called the Whomps that Jenny caught back in the spring. She wasn't feeling it, but she thought I might like them.

"They don't have a deal with a label, and I dunno, maybe they never will. They burn CDs and sell them at their gigs, but I guess even that's not going so hot, because Jenny said the live crowd was a little frosty. Most of them were there for Stark Pigeon anyway. She still picked up the album and passed it off to me.

"But this is the thing. When you first hear the Whomps, it sounds like the whole thing is one bad beat away from falling apart, their lead guitarist is six cats wrestling over a fret board, and you're asking, 'What are they _doing_?' But then you start listening to those amazing lyrics, and come on, what _are_ they doing? It's messing with my natural sense of chill, but like in a _good_ way.

"So I took it to a pro. Mr. Universe listened to a cut after my guitar lesson, and he laughed and was all, 'Yeah, dude, I get where they're coming from.' Then he dug Captain Laserheart out of his record crate...y'know, one of those 60s guys. He dropped it on the turntable and _whoa_. I mean, the music and the vocals were coming at each other from all these weird angles, kinda like the Whomps. But then it all comes together in the middle and boom, mind blown.

"And Mr. U says, 'You see what I mean? If the Whomps' drummer gets a little tighter, they'll really have something. They still won't go double platinum, but some guys play just for art's sake.' It just clicked, y'know?

"Sour Cream told me he couldn't rave to it. I said, 'Man, ya gotta dig _deeper_.'"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note scribbled in the margins: "He took his shades off halfway through the story, so he must mean it."


	28. Kiki Pizza, a pizza heiress

"There's a greenway that runs from here through Ocean Town...well, _around_ Ocean Town, if you know what I mean. For running it's one of my favorite courses when I've got time to burn, because not only is the track in good shape, but as a nature trail it's just gorgeous.

"Not too long ago, I was taking a hike off the main path and there was a family of deer in the clearing, like four or five of them. You don't see them in town, or when you do, they look like they've made a huge mistake. But there they were, two does and three fauns something like four or five yards away, just hanging out and being themselves.

"Then I shifted my weight a little and a leaf—just one dry leaf is all it took—crunched under my foot. Every single one of them stopped what they were doing and looked up at me all at once. It's a great way to make somebody feel self-conscious, but obviously I'm the uninvited guest around here, so there's only two things you're supposed to do: stay still and be quiet So I did both and they settled down again.

"I backed out to the main trail, watching every step...like literally keeping one eye on my feet to see where they were coming down, slow and steady. But I didn't look out for the tree I bumped into and dang it if there wasn't still a wrapper for a protein bar in my pack, and it made a crunchy-squeaky sound against my water bottle. It was the loudest racket outside of tripping over a terrier in the middle of the night.

"So they bolted, and I barely even got to tell them I was sorry. Yes, I said I was sorry _to the deer_. Not like they'd understand, but it seemed like the polite thing to do.

"Somebody told me later that it was amazing they were out in the open at all. A little kid in a green jumpsuit was in the woods all day shouting at squirrels."


	29. Harold Smiley, a boardwalk impresario

"The first assistant manager I took on after I bought out Funland was a wannabe musician. He got arrested for playing 'Money Changes Everything' on the ticket booth cash register.

"The second one I let go for sneaking off with a few cases of funnel cake batter. I never really got into funnel cakes, so it's not like she couldn't have _asked_. You might as well have told me she hijacked a truckload of circus peanuts.

"The third one gave me the word 'funderstaffed'. He did it before he quit in a way that I don't think you can mention in a family newspaper.

"The most recent one that I lost asked me about my blood pressure medicine. He said he'd never seen pills that big outside of the veterinarian's office. I probably took that crack a little too personally, but by the time I got over it, he'd already put in his notice and moved out of state. Anyway, it was one of those squeaky hammers, so even if I really _was_ aiming for him it wouldn't have done any damage.

"My latest second-in-command's doing alright, but some days she kinda tiptoes around me. Maybe I got a reputation now..."


	30. Priyanka Maheswaran, a doctor

"I don't want Connie to be scared of trying new things and learning to love the world on her own terms. But under this roof, there have to be certain boundaries.

"At the same time, it seemed like my parents were so arbitrary when it came to who got punished for what when I was growing up. It really chafed my sense of kid justice. With experience, what they were trying to do makes much more sense now, but they weren't exactly explainers in the heat of anger. A little clarity would've helped.

"That's where the abacus comes in.

"We never get out the abacus unless there's a major breach of the peace. It's there as a demonstration that punishments don't just come out of the blue. We use it for a running tally as we itemize individual infractions and what they add up to, and to make sure that Connie understands why what she did was wrong and why what happened next was going to happen.

"When she was younger, she accepted the abacus as part of being our daughter. Now she's grown into an intelligent and capable girl, someone who asks questions when questions need to be asked...except when the abacus came out. I guess she assumed abacus time was past the point of appeal. Knowing what I do about conditioned responses, it was beginning to make me nervous.

"You knew there was an 'until' coming, didn't you? Well, this is it.

"One night Connie missed curfew, and that by itself wouldn't be an abacus case, but she missed curfew on a night when things were exploding within earshot. Yes, I know, another day in Beach City, but no phone call, no text, and no daughter means no sleep for parents. So that's a bead, and that's a bead, and three extra ones for that big plume of smoke which is going to be haunting my dreams for I don't know how long.

"An open and shut case...if that's all there was to it. But when I introduced the topic of Steven Universe and the Gems into the conversation, she put her finger in front of the next bead. I looked right at her and she was one breath away from breaking into a sweat. But she kept her finger on the bead.

"'Well?'

"'I'm sorry, but...well, not that it _didn't_ happen, it just didn't happen like _that_. There were extenuating circumstances.' And for the first time in front of the Court of the Abacus, she made her case. As for the details...well, I'm bound by our confidentiality agreement, but kid justice definitely won the jury over.

"So I smiled and pushed the dreaded device across the table to her.

"'Okay, counsel for the defense,' I said. 'Let's negotiate.'"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have notice that the chapter numbers aren't open-ended anymore. That's because I've finally figured out my end-game for all this. And we're getting close...


	31. Martha Barriga, a mother

"They've promised me that Laramie is safe for now, but 'for now' is never a word you want to hear after 'safe' when somebody's talking about your only child.

"All I can understand is that something unexpected happened and they weren't able to bring him back, and now he's lost in space. We've been indulging in what some people might consider inappropriate laughter, because this is our life now.

"It's tempting to go through his things, find his secrets while we can, but that would be too much of a betrayal of trust. Even if there's no way he could possibly know, _I_ would know. Nevertheless, once a week I go up there for a little dusting and vacuuming. It needs to be right if he..."

"Pardon me, it needs to be right for _when_ he comes back."


	32. Kofi Pizza, a restauranteur

"As a baby, Kiki was very attentive. She learned how to work the dial on the crib toy, make the horn honk, and make the lights come on.

"Jenny was also clever, but it showed up in a different way. She was the one that was drawn to the car keys. At first she just liked to hear the noise they made. Then she tried to eat them or stick them up her nose, and that wouldn't do at all. But that girl had a magic reach. All I had to do was turn my head for a second and _boom_ , she was gumming the car alarm. So I had to be on my guard.

"And then there was the day that the key ring went missing. Mom and I turned the house upside down, and then mom said, 'Oh, no. You don't think...' And no, ma'am, I _didn't_ think, because Jenny was down for a nap all afternoon and wasn't even walking on her own at that point. But we went to the girls' room and sure enough, there was the fob sticking out of the back of her diaper. And even worse, she needed a change.

"Mom read me the riot act about leaving things out where the children can get to them, but she couldn't hold a poker face for long. 'It was me, Kofi. And don't be like that. At least they were someplace warm.'"


	33. Connie Maheswaran, a student/warrior-in-training

"I let it slip recently in front of mom that Steven was my first real friend, and she gave me one of those nervous parent looks that reminds me how Beach City isn't where all of my secrets live.

"She said, 'That can't be right, sweetie. What about Katie from your old school?' So I explained to her that no, I was only helping Katie get her social studies grades up, and the one time I asked her if she wanted to just hang out, she got this weird look on her face like she was sucking a lemon, so I let it drop. That happened a lot, actually.

"Then she said, 'Well, there's that boy Jeff, isn't there?' And I told her that Jeff was really, _really_ recent...like 'sword training with Pearl' recent. But every time I tried to wave one of her questions away, it just made her unhappy. Not angry. Just sad.

"It's not like I didn't know other kids before I came to Beach City. It's just that I got along better with the librarians. And it's not like being alone is the same thing as being lonely...I mean, not _always_. It's only when I didn't have anything to do and sat down to think about it a little too long that...um, yeah, _that_ part of the situation wasn't so hot. 

"But that was _before_. Beach City is completely different than the other places we've lived. Or maybe it's just that I'm completely different in Beach City. Maybe I was changing all along and I was the last one to figure it out. That'd be my luck, wouldn't it...

"I should've talked all of this out sooner, because mom knew the right thing to say. She said that yes, I'm more confident now, and that means that more people get to figure out all of the good stuff that she already knew about me. 'But don't be afraid to talk to us about these things. We love you, Connie, but never forget that we also _like_ you.'

"Even though that was a huggy moment, I had to roll my eyes a little. 'You got that from a sitcom, mom.'

"And dad chimed in from the kitchen, 'When you get older, you'll figure out that we got a lot of things from sitcoms.'

"Of course, I made a big mistake later on by telling them I'd probably be squished under a boulder if I hadn't met Steven when I did. Which reminds me, I need to warn the Gems that there's a phone call coming. And I should probably warn the mayor, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter that was probably slightly different every time you hit F5 on the night of the post. Sorry, it's an old habit that refuses to die.
> 
> Confession to Wierdkid20: I wasn't going to add Onion, since he may or may not have [his own thing](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12444933) going on at the moment, but never let it be said that I don't answer requests...in the most weak-as-water way possible.
> 
> **Chapter 33.5: Onion, a ???**
> 
> _(Onion examines the recorder intently.)_
> 
> Reporter: "Okay, little buddy, any time you're ready." 
> 
> _(He slaps it out of the reporter's hand and runs down the boardwalk.)_
> 
> Reporter: "Hey! These things are expensive!"


	34. Pearl, a guardian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _(Pearl declined an in-person interview, but a few days later a scroll of parchment bound in a pink ribbon arrived at the office of the Beach City Gazette. A note was attached: "Thank you for your patience. Hopefully this will be suitable for your purposes.")_

We were scouting the Andean highlands after a nasty fight with a corruption. I'd have to do some extra research to figure out the modern calendar year, but it was long before the European colonizers arrived and only a short time after Amethyst joined us. The indigenous people knew who we were, and they had come to trust us over several generations.

Rose was catching up with the village elders—they mostly wanted to brag about harvest yields—when Amethyst came across an example of the local livestock. One of the farmers said it was called a quwi and they raised them as food. When other humans started breeding them in the English-speaking countries, it became a guinea pig. Nobody could ever give me a straight answer on how they came up with that.

Amethyst fawned over one of the larger ones, and it became obvious that she wasn't going to let us leave without it. That worried the rest of us, because the area she lived in before us was barren of living things, so she still didn't entirely know what death was. As we found out during the war, knowing about it in theory wasn't the same as being there for the end of a life of a living being who meant something to you. And the lives of domesticated animals were even shorter than those of humans.

Garnet was already scanning the future, and her pensiveness told me that this story would end in heartbreak.

"Rose," I said, "do you think this is wise?"

She looked sadly at Amethyst and her new friend. "If she's going to be a part of this world, she has to _learn_."

* * *

Amethyst spent the next couple of years learning how to take care of a living thing. She found out what the animal liked to eat, constructed a fenced-in corral for him, figured out how to keep him warm and safe when we weren't around, and especially how to dispose of his _(ahem)_ "magic beans". At one point she informed me they didn't really taste like beans, which is an education I desperately didn't need, but I'm stuck with it now.

And then came morning which was inevitable from the beginning, but we never wanted to see. "Pearl, he isn't moving!"

We found Rose on one of the hands of the Temple. She held Amethyst's pet for a moment, and it looked so small and quiet in her hands.

Rose sat with her for what must've been a half an hour explaining the qualities of organic life, the impermanence of it all. "No matter how much you open your heart to one, eventually you have to let them go. That's why the moments we're allowed to spend with them shouldn't be taken for granted."

"But we get all the time in the world and everyone just flies right past us. It's not _fair_." Amethyst was sobbing, as if saying the words was what made her hurt.

Rose held her tight. "If you connect with the world, you see so many amazing things. But you see all of them go away. The best we can do is protect them from the things we know that they can't control or comprehend."

Amethyst wiped her eyes. "You mean from us."

With a quiet gravity, Rose answered, "Yes. We're not the only ones, but Gemkind is a part of that."

Amethyst mumbled into her knees, her hair hanging all around. "Well, they won't have to worry about _this_ Gem anymore. I'm never gonna let 'em in again."

Rose lifted Amethyst's chin. "But it's a lonelier world if you do. Sometimes I've wanted to let all of this go on without me, and sometimes I give in to that feeling, but I've never been able to stay away forever. Our long lives are a gift, and it gives us a gift that we can give back to them."

And then she closed her eyes to collect her thoughts. The idea of living memory as a memorial would've been a new idea to Amethyst, just as it had been new to the rest of us long ago, so Rose had to be careful with how she presented it.

"Do you remember the last time we visited the mountains, when one of the elders asked me to tell him about his great-grandparents? He had never known his great-grandfather except from the stories about the time he joined one of our corruption-hunting parties. They told it as an epic tale of past glories, and honestly it might as well have been a fable with everything that was added and taken away. There weren't any stories about his great-grandmother at all, except to mention that she was there.

"So we shared our experiences with them. The small kindnesses in their little family. The moments of fear from the night before we set out. How the woman told us that she wanted her daughter to grow up knowing her father. The way their hands wouldn't stop shaking during their reunion, and the way they couldn't bring themselves to let go of each other. How he wasn't sure he wanted a celebration because of the anguished noise the Crazy Lace Agate made before he put the spear through her, and how she said she would stand by him regardless of his decision. And how he agreed to the celebration anyway, because it had been such a hard year for everyone.

"Before we left the fire, the elder pulled me aside and said, 'Some of the others are never sure what to make of your stories, Rose Quartz. They're always so different, and you tell them so differently than the rest of us do.' And then he placed his hand over his heart and smiled. 'But what you said tonight was a great comfort. And that is how I will choose to remember them.'"

There was a long, meditative silence, broken by a quiet voice. "Fuzzy never told _me_ any stories."

Rose chuckled at the thought. "Well, you told him _your_ stories, didn't you? It's good practice."

("That was an awful lot for a quwi," I told Rose afterwards. And yet here we are thousands of years later, remembering the short life of an animal for the joy it brought another living creature. A blink in the cosmos that meant everything in the moment. There's a lesson in that, and it would appear I still have much to learn.)

* * *

There was a ritual we helped human tribes with countless times before that seemed appropriate. We found a cave on the shoreline, bundled the animal in a cocoon of rags, and dug a small grave. Amethyst gently lowered her pet into the ground, then we filled the hole in together and fashioned a marker from the surrounding rocks.

We spent that night sitting on the beach, comrades huddled together, staring out at the land and the sea and the sky, doing our best to make sense of it all. And Rose was at the center, as our anchor.

That's how I choose to remember us. And that's how I choose to remember her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: the other end of the telescope.


	35. Steven Universe, a local boy

"You're the one who writes all those Beach City stories for the paper? That's so cool! I made a scrapbook to put them in and everything. Oh, okay, you're here for a story...

"My earliest memory, like the one that really stuck, was me and dad hanging out at Funland. It probably wasn't our first time, but I guess I was kinda hung up on the Appalachian, because dad was trying to hold me up under that 'this tall to ride' sign. Y'know, like, 'See? He's big enough!' But nah, I was something like four feet too short.

"The way dad tells it, he tried to negotiate with Mr. Smiley over it. 'Couldn't you put a phone book under him?' 'Come on, not even if we put a phone _booth_ under him.' So we rode the carousel instead. Dad was a pro at catching the brass ring, but after about the fourth time around I was really starting to feel the fry bits and hot dogs and the candy apple banging around. We ducked under the pier to...um...throw things into reverse.

"The Gems know Gem places all over the world. They can tell you why they were built, what's missing from them now, and the big battles they fought at each one. But me? I've got Funland. I've had Funland my whole life, and I know where every piece of it came from. I can sing all six versions of the radio jingle. I know that the Teacups were bought off of a theme park some cartoon company tried to run for a few years in the Florida Archipelago. I even found out where Mr. Smiley got that OK KO! arcade machine...but for some reason he doesn't want me to talk about it.

"I was rattling off some Funland things to Sadie, but I guess an enthusiast can be exhausting, because she finally took a deep breath and said, 'Come on, Steven. It's not _that_ exciting.' And then, as quiet as a whisper, she added, ' _We're_ not that exciting.'

"But that's not what Beach City's about to me. It's about running up and down the boardwalk on the first day of summer, and everybody says hello and knows your name. It's about being able to pound on a counter for the bits and the Fryman family knows exactly what you're talking about. It's about hanging out at the Big Donut and finding an extra one in the bag when they can tell you've had a rough time. 

"And when things really do get to be a little bit too much, it's about having a place to come home to, with people who know you better than you know yourself sometimes. And it's about reminding yourself to never take them for granted.

"So when I saw you were helping them tell their stories in the paper, I started the scrapbook. It'll be good to have something to remember them by just in case...

"...Well, just in case.

"We're done? So soon? No, I'm sorry, it's okay. I don't want to keep you fron anything.

"Take care of yourself and don't be a stranger! Remember, I want to hear about _you_ next time!"


	36. Letter to the editor, Beach City Gazette

Sir,

Once again, my subscription to the Gazette has paid off in surprising ways. The morning, following your publication of the "Humanoids" column about my adventure working at the Buddwick Library, the front desk received a pick-me-up bouquet. Ms. Foray took a glance at what I thought was the card and laughed. "Actually, I think this is for you."

Tucked in among the carnations and the daisies was a neatly folded apology note written in longhand that included a story about a boy's trip to Korea with his father and a rare and valuable book that hitched a ride with them. It was signed "Anonymous Junior".

I could tell Junior was sincere, but some of the details were a little bit odd, even for Beach City. Surprisingly, Ms. Foray knows the Anonymous family, and she confirmed that it sounded exactly like something that would happen to them, so I defer to her seniority...with an asterisk.

To Anonymous Junior (or should I call you AJ?): While the Big Bull Steakhouse gift card was incredibly generous, I couldn't in good conscience accept something that expensive from a total stranger. However, the local branch of the Delmarva Food Bank told me they can do a lot of good with something like that, so I sent it along to them.

And if you ever need the Buddwick Journal again the next time you go traveling, we have a facsimile in general circulation while we work it into our digitizing initiative. Just promise me you'll at least keep it with your carry-on luggage.

Sincerely,

Penny Bendaret  
Buddy Buddwick Library

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus ends my five-month long exploration of why townie episodes matter. Considering we're coming out of the mega-hiatus this Friday (in app-space, anyway), it seemed like a good time to put a bow on it.
> 
> My sincere thanks to everybody for their kudos and comments. Even during the parts where I started questioning what exactly I was trying to do, writing this was always fun, and you've all definitely been a large part of that.


End file.
